


the boys standing on the side

by aroceu



Category: Block B
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-29
Updated: 2011-04-29
Packaged: 2017-10-27 21:51:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/300425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroceu/pseuds/aroceu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>they'll drive this whole town crazy</p>
            </blockquote>





	the boys standing on the side

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer that I wrote this when Block B initially debuted and didn't know much about them. I still really like this though.

This is an account of how Yookwon fell in love.

i.

It starts like this.

Tuesday morning. Yookwon wakes up to the sound of his mother's voice. He wakes up to his white ceiling in an apartment in Suwon, the smell of fresh bread wafting under his nose.

It's a familiar sensation.

Today is the big day. Today, he gets to make a name of himself. He doesn't know if he'll get in. _You'll still be my baby,_ his mother will tell him. But Yookwon doesn't want that. Yookwon wants to _be_ something. He wants to be out there. He wants to be a part of this world.

ii.

He doesn't get in.

It's a big disappointment to his mother, and even more so to his father who wants him to be successful. But Yookwon, he feels crushed. He feels like the world has fallen on him. _This was my only chance. I'll be no one now._

He goes for a second time and he gets in.

(He's never liked attention, not too much; he just wants to be known, have his name heard among strangers. He has to face the camera, has to face the strangers. And it's little things like this, getting more eyes on you than usual, popping your shoulders back and lifting your chin up, these are the things that you have to learn to do. To get used to.)

iii.

He's a trainee, under Junghun sunbae ( _hyung_ , he laughs, _call me hyung_ ; but Cho Junghun is entirely a sunbae to him). He follows in his footsteps and wants to be like him, but no one sees him. Only Junghun sunbae.

This is okay.

He masters the art of swagger (never look back, never look down - this is the only rule), and his vocals and his dancing are passable. He's a bit all right like this, and can't wait to be finally out there. To have his name screamed out by fans. To see the blinding light of the stage.

He's all right with being a trainee, being little. Everyone around the practice rooms ignores him, and his roommate barely talks to him. One day, though. One day they'll all see him. One day they'll love him for who he is.

iv.

It's a few years later when he's told that he's going to be put into a group. Junghun sunbae wants to start one for himself. He's gotten in contact with trainees from other companies, and tells Yookwon that he'll be part of this new project.

Yookwon is excited; Junghun sunbae has picked him. He chose _him_. And he also picks a few other boys who are both older and younger than him in this building - but it's sort of nice to know that Junghun sees potential in him. He sees fame in him.

He puts them together (seven boys, Yookwon counts, including himself) in a room and tells them to get to know each other. Junghun sunbae says that they'll be undergoing some expert training. Junghun sunbae says that they'll become experts themselves.

Yookwon is excited.

v.

Jiho is a funny boy, younger than him but taking authority. He hugs Kyung and touches Yookwon's hand. He already knows Jaehyo and teases Minhyuk. He dotes on Jihoon and rolls his eyes at Taeil.

Yookwon recognizes Jihoon: he's the boy that had barely made it as a trainee last year. He'd failed his first tryout, just like Yookwon. Yookwon feels for him, but does not reach out to him.

Taeil knows what he's doing, and sometimes just sits there and is quiet, with a small smirk on his face. Yookwon wonders what he's thinking. If he's scared, just like him. Or if he's not scared at all.

Kyung talks too loudly and becomes attached to Jiho on the first day, even though they barely know each other. He starts conversations and never finishes them, and half the time Yookwon wonders how anyone can keep up with him. Perhaps Kyung is just too smart for them all.

Minhyuk is quiet, but he looks at them all with envy. Yookwon can see; he knows. Minhyuk wants to talk with them. Yookwon is hardly talking, but he wonders if they'll ever notice. (Eventually Jiho does, and Minhyuk's expression suddenly turns shy.)

vi.

Jaehyo is everything Yookwon hates and everything Yookwon wants to be. He's silly and smart, but cocky. His shoulders are thrown back naturally, like he'd been born with a block already under his chin. He looks at them all and doesn't look completely satisfied, and yet Yookwon can see that hidden beaming face under his mask.

Yookwon learns from Jiho that Jaehyo was supposed to have another destiny, but had been stopped due to an injury. Yookwon wonders if he feels sorry for him. He knows he should.

There's that small part of Yookwon that's tugging him towards Jaehyo. But Jaehyo is his hyung. He is a natural. He is born for fame. Yookwon, Yookwon tries for fame.

vii.

Sometimes Yookwon smiles too loudly or whispers in a voice that travels across the room. And sometimes, sometimes he sits there and watches. He watches Jiho and Kyung, and Minhyuk texting and Jihoon and Taeil chatting about something that doesn't quite reach his ears.

Jaehyo sits down on the chair next to him. His thigh presses against Yookwon's. Yookwon wonders if he notices.

"Are you just sitting here?" asks Jaehyo. His tone is amused. His breath sweeps across Yookwon's cheeks, and Yookwon wonders if it's hot outside today. (Even though they're inside.)

"Well it's not like I'm doing anything else," says Yookwon.

There goes that smirk. There goes that chin, sticking up and out.

"I know," says Jaehyo, like he's testing Yookwon's limits. "I was just trying to make small talk. I understand if you don't want it."

"No," says Yookwon suddenly, shaking his head. "I do. I just - I didn't know what else to say, hyung."

There. He's smiling too widely again, his eyes crinkling at the sides. Yookwon thinks he should stop smiling so much, especially when he's nervous.

But Jaehyo doesn't seem to mind. He puts his hand on Yookwon's thigh - still too close to his own - and smiles as well. He doesn't say anything, but Yookwon feels like he shouldn't be afraid.

viii.

The training goes something like this: in the mornings, they write songs. At noon, they eat lunch and sing. In the afternoons, they write songs. Evenings, they dance and talk. At night, they write more songs.

Yookwon's pretty sure his hand is going to hurt from all this song writing, though Jiho seems to be a master at it. Minhyuk complains that there's someone else named Minhyuk and he wants a nickname. Kyung says they'll give one to him later.

Taeil leans across the table over to Jaehyo's spot, and says, "What kind of lyrics are these? 'The banana eats food from the sausage covered tree'?"

"The prompt was feeling," Jaehyo says defensively. "And I'm starving. You try eating nothing but soup and steamed buns all day."

"Hyung, your lyrics suck," Jihoon laughs. "Just go eat and leave the song-writing to us."

"No," says Junghun sunbae from his own desk in the corner, looking up from his computer. "You will learn to write songs on your own, until you master it. But yes, Jaehyo, your lyrics do suck. You might want to ask someone for help." He glances to the other boys pointedly.

Yookwon feels Jaehyo move a little, and then a tap on his shoulder. Yookwon looks up.

"Can you help me with my lyrics?" asks Jaehyo, a bit shyly. But he still has that confident air, like, _say no and I'll go ask Jiho._

Yookwon doesn't want that so he says, "Yes," and delivers an all-too crinkly of a smile. Jaehyo just returns it, though, and sits down in the chair next to him, muttering something about songs about hunger.

ix.

Yookwon is in his room with Kyung. Jiho is there too, and he and Kyung are talking. When Jaehyo comes in, Yookwon assumes he's going to go over and join them.

Instead, he sits at the foot of Yookwon's bed and watches him. Yookwon's aware of this. He allows a few moments to pass when he finally looks up from his book and asks him, "Do you want something?"

"Nothing," says Jaehyo.

Yookwon feels inclined to speak. Instead, he just smirks. It feels odd on his face, but gives him that boost of confidence he needs.

Jaehyo seems surprised.

"Anything the matter?" he says, tilting his head, like Yookwon has something sticking on his lip.

Yookwon quickly blushes pink and turns his gaze back down. "No," he mumbles, and decides that he should stick to smiling.

x.

He doesn't, of course, because when they do their first photoshoot, they want him to have that fearless air. Yookwon doesn't like photos and he's not fearless, but he does just as everyone tells him and they are all proud of him.

When they are done, Jaehyo pulls him aside and asks him if he'd liked it. Yookwon stares at him unblinkingly and nods, a bit hesitant.

Jaehyo says, "No you don't." Yookwon wonders how he knows.

"You know, you don't have to do something you don't like if you don't want to," continues Jaehyo.

"But Junghun sunbae wouldn't like that," argues Yookwon. "I've been under him for so long - and he likes me. And I do like doing this, and I do want to do it," he adds as an afterthought.

Jaehyo looks unconvinced, but just says, "All right then," and walks away. Yookwon wonders when he's cared.

xi.

It's a bit funny how they're still under training, and they watch other groups start and end, lift up their wings and fall back down. He sees a group disband, he sees a group slowly lose members, and he sees a group that has its leader leave them. (Jiho assures them all, when the news comes at the time, that he'll never abandon them. Kyung laughs and says, _You better not or else I'll find you and kick your ass!_ )

Yookwon looks at them and wonders how they'll end up. If they'll become like one of those groups who debuts and never has anything past one song. If they'll be so famous that they'll last for years, maybe even decades. Or if they'll break up.

When he looks at Jaehyo, he sees that he's thinking the same thing. Yookwon knows. Yookwon wonders when their minds have become so alike.

xii.

Jaehyo can be a little weird at times. His posture remains perfect, straight - but he'll let go of that mask once in a while and smile, he'll laugh.

Jiho's in Yookwon's room again, Jaehyo with him. Jiho and Kyung are snoring softly in the corner - Kyung comfortable in his bed, Jiho kneeling on the ground and drooping on the side (Yookwon wonders how someone can sleep like that.)

Jaehyo is sitting on Yookwon's mattress, next to him. He's in his pajamas. The moonlight glows through the window, dancing on Jaehyo's hair.

"You're doing all this because you want to be famous?" says Jaehyo.

Yookwon nods. "Yeah. Because - Because I want people to know me."

"Why?"

"Because." Yookwon swallows, a bit. "I want people to know my name. I want to know that I've left an impact on this world after I die."

Jaehyo looks thoughtful at these words. "But," he says. "Won't we all die, eventually? Won't the people who had known you die, before and after you? The world, too. So you really haven't left an impact, then."

Yookwon gives him a look. "Thanks a lot."

"That's not what I meant," Jaehyo says sincerely, and Yookwon knows he's sincere by the way he's looking at him in the eye, nothing between them. "I mean. You should do this because it's something you love doing. Not just because you have an end in mind."

Yookwon doesn't say anything to this.

xiii.

Yookwon falls asleep on Jaehyo's shoulder, his head tucked next to his neck. He wakes up with Jaehyo's head resting on his own.

ixv.

There are a couple of things running through Yookwon's mind when Junghun sunbae tells them that they're debuting soon. First, it's panic. ( _Already? We're going to be famous_ already _?_ ) Minhyuk gets a nickname, as does Jiho and Jihoon. And, surprisingly, himself.

"It's not much different," Jaehyo says amusedly, ruffling his hair fondly. "At least we'll still be calling you _Yookwon_."

"Yeah," Yookwon grumbles. "But it's still a nickname, right?"

Jiho (Zico) suddenly bursts through the door, looking absolutely distraught. "They're calling me a Junhyung wannabe!" he wails. "A _Junhyung_ wannabe!"

"You know, I was supposed to be a part of BEAST," snickers Jaehyo.

"I think you look more like G-Dragon to me," Yookwon offers helpfully.

Jiho shoots them a dirty look and then leaves. Jaehyo and Yookwon burst into fits of laughter.

xv.

Unfortunately, they come out the same time a number of other boy bands do (not to mention that stakes are running high now, with the older groups trying to make up for lost time and lost members, and for girl groups to reclaim their place in South Korea, if they can't have the international fans). So they're overlooked, or at least that's what Jiho tells them.

"Don't mind him," says Kyung, waving a hand to the door that Jiho had just slammed shut. "He's overreacting, as usual. People will like us."

And they do. Yookwon partially blames Kyung's confidence rubbing off on him, or maybe it's the way when he looks at Jaehyo that he thinks, _Yes, I'd like that too_. And sure, they're only pictures.

But Yookwon knows what's behind those pictures. Behind, there is a boy who just has a dream. Behind, there is himself.

xvi.

Performing the song is more fun than singing it, or at least, that's what Yookwon deduces after they come back from shooting for the music video. It's been a tiring day (and Junghun sunbae is disappointed that they hadn't managed to fit in any time for _songwriting_ ), but, Yookwon thinks, it's a good day.

Jaehyo comes into his room as usual, after his shower. His hair is wet and messy, but when he looks at Yookwon he grins and it's a grin that Yookwon is familiar with. Yookwon smiles back and feels his eyes crinkling at the sides. This, he realizes, this is what it must feel like to be at home.

"Fun day, right?" says Jaehyo. (It's small talk again.)

"Yeah," says Yookwon. "Fun."

They sit on the mattress again, next to the wall. Yookwon resists the urge to look to the side where stars shine through the window, glowing on Jaehyo's hair.

"I think," Jaehyo says quietly, "that people really will like us. That we'll be famous. Not just a part of an entertainment company and not get anywhere, but actually _famous_."

"I hope so," says Yookwon. "Or else all that effort would go to waste."

Jaehyo laughs, a real full laugh. "I don't think it would," he says, turning to Yookwon, and Yookwon can see the light in his eyes.

xvii.

They're all sitting in the main room together, staring at the TV.

"Three," says Taeil.

"Two," whispers Jihoon.

"One," says Yookwon.

Their music video starts playing on the television screen. They all stare at it for a moment.

"Well," says Kyung, finally breaking the silence as they watch Minhyuk (on the screen) dance and sing. "We don't look half bad."

"No." Jaehyo's tone is amused. "We don't."

"We actually look pretty good," says Jiho.

"Pretty good," Yookwon echoes in agreement.

"Really good." Jaehyo turns to Yookwon. "We look really good."

"We do, don't we?" Kyung glances at the TV screen again. This is his part. " _I_ do, at least."

"I think we all do," Jihoon declares.

Yookwon looks at Jaehyo. "I do too," he says softly.

xviii.

Their debut stage is a couple of days afterwards. Yookwon sings and dances with all his might, forgetting everything - forgetting the lights, forgetting the cameras, forgetting the world. All there is right now is his body, his voice, and the stage. (And Jaehyo.)

He stares into the cheering crowd and pants, heart pounding in his ears. He glances to Jaehyo at his side, who is grinning from the corner of his mouth. Yookwon can't help but smile as well.

This is how it feels, he realizes, to do something you love.


End file.
